
Computing Science
13. Muddled phrasing - poorly constructed sentences
In essays, it is very tempting to put too much into one sentence. Phrasing becomes muddled when a sentence is too long. A very good essay sentence can often contain only one thought:
- Human beings are naturally inclined to start new societies.
Often, however, you want to say something more. For example, we may want to say more about both human beings and society. We do this through inserting what are known as subordinate (or dependent) clauses. Subordinate clauses are those parts of the sentence, often banked by commas, that add additional information to things mentioned in the sentence.
- Human beings, who in all aspects of their lives are dependent on society (subordinate clause), are naturally inclined to start new societies.
When more than one subordinate clause is introduced, the sentence becomes hard to follow.
- Human beings, who in all aspects of their lives are dependent on society, and, being now dependent on the society of the internet, however unreliable this society, with its capacity for anonymity, is, simply see internet society as one more type of society to depend on, will not necessarily find this new type of society a bad thing.
This sentence is horrible. There are quite a few ways to divide it up so that it is easier to follow. The following is one solution:
- In all aspects of their lives, human beings are dependent on society. Internet society, however, is unreliable since you can join it anonymously. Despite its unreliablity, our dependence on internet society is not necessarily deemed a bad thing.
It becomes even more muddling if the subject becomes separated from its subordinate clause. Try this:
- Human beings are inclined to start new societies, which we see from evolution, but however unreliable internet society is, quite naturally, this is not necessarily a bad thing because in societies, often forcibly imposed, there are rules, which human beings depend on, amongst other constraints, whether they all agreed on the rules to start with or not.
It is not clear from this sentence whether accepting the unreliability of internet society is quite natural, or whether evolution is natural. It is also unclear whether human beings are dependent on societies for rules, and whether it is the rules or society that is forcibly imposed. To prevent this muddle, keep your subclauses next to their subjects:
- Human society, which is happy to send men to the moon, has welcomed the new world of the internet.
- Human society has welcomed the new world of the internet, which is happy to send men to the moon.
Ambiguity
Sometimes we write sentences that are very easily misunderstood.
- These swings are dangerous for children - they are too heavy for them.
- If the ramp is to steep for a wheelchair, take it apart and reassemble.
- After John told David about the experiment, he wished he hadn't.
What is too heavy? The swings or the children?
What should be taken apart? The ramp or the wheelchair?
Who wished he hadn't? John or David?
Ambiguity occurs when you have two items - the swings, the children, the ramp, the wheelchair, John, David - followed by a pronoun (pronouns are him, her, they, I, it - words standing in place of the person or item's name) that could be standing in for either item/person.
Tips:- Always ask yourself: “what exactly am I trying to say?’
- When you've decided, write it down in the simplest possible way.
- If you find your sentence getting long and convoluted, stop writing. Say what you are trying to say out loud, as if to a friend. See if that helps clarify your thought. Then write the thought down in short sentences.
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Task 27 | Multiple choice | Easier |