Central and East European Studies

9. Clumsy or muddled phrasing

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In essays, it is very tempting to put too much into one sentence. Phrasing becomes muddled when a sentence is too long. A very good essay sentence can often contain only one thought:

Often, however, you want to explain a little more about something in the sentence. For example, you may want to give an example of fundamentalism. We do this through inserting what are known as subordinate (or dependent) clauses. Subordinate clauses are those parts of the sentence, enclosed within commas, that add additional information to things mentioned in the sentence.

The sentence ‘Poland is now a pluralist democracy' makes perfect sense without the subordinate clause, but the subordinate clause adds useful information.

However, when more than one subordinate clause is introduced, the sentence becomes hard to follow. This sentence is grammatically correct but hopeless to read. There are quite a few ways to divide it up so that it is easier for the reader to follow. The following is one solution:
Ambiguity
What should be boiled, the meat or the children?

Without what could democracy not flourish, regional reform or a stable economy?

Who favoured complete collectivisation, Bukharin or Stalin?

Ambiguity occurs when you have two items - meat, children; regional reform, a stable economy; Bukharin, Stalin - followed by a pronoun (pronouns are him, her, they, I, it - words standing in place of the person or item's name) that could be standing in for either item/person.

Remember, too, that complex thoughts are best expressed simply and clearly. Long and convoluted sentences are not a mark of academic brilliance; often, just the opposite.
TaskTask TypeDifficulty
Task 1Free textModerate
Task 2Free textModerate
Task 3Free textMore Challenging
Task 4Free textEasier
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