
Central and East European Studies
9. Clumsy or muddled phrasing
In essays, it is very tempting to put too much into one sentence. Phrasing becomes muddled when a sentence is too long. A very good essay sentence can often contain only one thought:
- Poland is now a pluralist democracy.
Often, however, you want to explain a little more about something in the sentence. For example, you may want to give an example of fundamentalism. We do this through inserting what are known as subordinate (or dependent) clauses. Subordinate clauses are those parts of the sentence, enclosed within commas, that add additional information to things mentioned in the sentence.
- Poland, after four decades of communist rule, is now a pluralist democracy.
The sentence ‘Poland is now a pluralist democracy' makes perfect sense without the subordinate clause, but the subordinate clause adds useful information.
However, when more than one subordinate clause is introduced, the sentence becomes hard to follow.- Poland, after four decades of communist rule, which stifled political reform, being a one party authoritarian style of government, and being essentially controlled by Moscow, which led to unwelcome legacies, still felt, particularly in civic institutions, for example lack of dynamism in local and regional government administrations, is now a pluralist democracy.
- After four decades of communist rule, Poland is now a pluralist democracy. Communism stifled political reform. Being a one party authoritarian style of government and essentially controlled by Moscow, communism left unwelcome legacies. These are still felt in civic institutions, for example in lack of dynamism in local and regional government administrations.
- During the war, when mothers found some cuts of meat to stringy for their children, they were advised to boil them.
- Regional reform and a stable economy were priorities as without it democracy could not flourish.
- Bukharin did not agree with Stalin. He favoured complete collectivisation.
Without what could democracy not flourish, regional reform or a stable economy?
Who favoured complete collectivisation, Bukharin or Stalin?
Ambiguity occurs when you have two items - meat, children; regional reform, a stable economy; Bukharin, Stalin - followed by a pronoun (pronouns are him, her, they, I, it - words standing in place of the person or item's name) that could be standing in for either item/person.
Remember, too, that complex thoughts are best expressed simply and clearly. Long and convoluted sentences are not a mark of academic brilliance; often, just the opposite.Task | Task Type | Difficulty |
---|---|---|
Task 1 | Free text | Moderate |
Task 2 | Free text | Moderate |
Task 3 | Free text | More Challenging |
Task 4 | Free text | Easier |
Task 5 | Free text | More Challenging |