In essays, it is very tempting to put too much into one sentence. Phrasing becomes muddled when a sentence is too long. Muddled phrasing gets in the way of your argument instead of reinforcing it.
A good essay sentence can often contain only one thought:
- The Odyssey is attributed to Homer.
Often, however, you want to say a little more, and this is done through inserting what are known as subordinate (or dependent) clauses. Subordinate clauses are those parts of the sentence, often enclosed in commas, that add additional information to things mentioned in the sentence. For example:
- The Odyssey, a Greek epic poem, is attributed to Homer.
When more than one subordinate clause is introduced, the sentence becomes hard to follow. Try this:
- The Odyssey, a Greek epic poem, which is popularly thought of as being the first work in the canon of Western literature, tells the story of Odysseus's journey home after the fall of Troy, he is also known as Ulysses, which was a long journey of ten years, and is read in the original Greek and also in many translations, some better than others, although it is not so often performed any more as it would once have been, though there are many spin-offs in films, and the existence of the author, Homer, is even disputed.
If you need to keep all the thoughts, divide them up into comprehensible chunks. Any thoughts you find unnecessary, discard.
- The Odyssey, a Greek epic poem, is often cited as the first work in the canon of Western literature. Written by Homer, whose very existence is disputed, it tells the story Odysseus's (also known as Ulysses) ten year journey home after the fall of Troy. Still read in the original Greek as well as in translation, the Odyssey is no longer performed as it would once have been. However, it is the inspiration for many films.
Ambiguity
Sometimes we write sentences that are very easily misunderstood.
- Homer's influence on Virgil is seen through his portrayal of his hero.
- A battle took place between the Athenians and the Persians although they were outnumbered.
Whose hero, Homer's or Virgil's?
Who is outnumbered? The Athenians or the Persians?
Ambiguity occurs when you have two items or people - Homer, Virgil, the Athenians and the Persians in my examples - followed by a pronoun (pronouns are him, her, they, I, it - words standing in place of the person or item's name) that could be standing in for either item/person.
Tip:
- Before you write, ask yourself ‘what exactly am I trying to say?’ and then say it in the clearest way possible.
- Read your work aloud. This will expose gaps and inconsistencies.