Computing Science

13. Muddled phrasing - poorly constructed sentences

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In essays, it is very tempting to put too much into one sentence. Phrasing becomes muddled when a sentence is too long. A very good essay sentence can often contain only one thought:

Often, however, you want to say something more. For example, we may want to say more about both human beings and society. We do this through inserting what are known as subordinate (or dependent) clauses. Subordinate clauses are those parts of the sentence, often banked by commas, that add additional information to things mentioned in the sentence.

The sentence makes perfect sense without the subordinate clause - Human beings are naturally inclined to start new societies. The subordinate clause just makes it more interesting.

When more than one subordinate clause is introduced, the sentence becomes hard to follow.

This sentence is horrible. There are quite a few ways to divide it up so that it is easier to follow. The following is one solution:

It becomes even more muddling if the subject becomes separated from its subordinate clause. Try this:

It is not clear from this sentence whether accepting the unreliability of internet society is quite natural, or whether evolution is natural. It is also unclear whether human beings are dependent on societies for rules, and whether it is the rules or society that is forcibly imposed. To prevent this muddle, keep your subclauses next to their subjects:
See the difference?

Ambiguity

Sometimes we write sentences that are very easily misunderstood.

What is too heavy? The swings or the children?

What should be taken apart? The ramp or the wheelchair?

Who wished he hadn't? John or David?

Ambiguity occurs when you have two items - the swings, the children, the ramp, the wheelchair, John, David - followed by a pronoun (pronouns are him, her, they, I, it - words standing in place of the person or item's name) that could be standing in for either item/person.

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